Abercrombie Boys: The story of Remus and Sirius
by Meredith Trainor
Summary: GASP! Hogwarts wants to put all of its students in Muggle clothing! Riotous fluffyness ensues when Sirius takes Remus to a Muggle shop. OneShot! Rated K for slash, nothing terribly perverse. Don't like, don't read, for both slash & preppy clothes!


OneShot: RLSB, fifth year…

Abercrombie Boys

A/N: I do not own Remus Lupin or Sirius Black, if I did they would wear either Abercrombie and Fitch or nothing! (Preferably nothing. ;))

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"Oh James!" Mrs. Potter called in a singsong voice. "Wake up, and get your friends up too, we've got to catch the Portkey to Diagon Alley for your back-to-school shopping!"

"Cminmum." A barely awake James muttered sleepily. Peter Pettigrew whacked him on the head with a pillow for it.

"Oi, you! Gerrof, where are Sirius and Remus?"

"I dunno mate, but we better get dressed."

The two emerged later in full wizard wear, and met their friends and James's parents for breakfast: toast and kippers. Mr. Potter came into the kitchen, bearing four identical Hogwarts letters. Tossing three of them down, he carelessly opened his son's.

"Oh, look, they're making it a requirement for all Hogwarts pupils to have at least two full outfits (suggested three) of Muggle clothing, to be worn for school trips to observe Muggles." The boys groaned. Well, to be exact, Peter and James groaned. Remus did not look fully awake, and Sirius only grinned in a cheesy way.

"Isn't it bad enough we have to wear school uniforms at Hogwarts, now we have to dress like poncy Muggles?" Peter groaned. James laughed, and, when Mrs. Potter's back was turned, whispered in a high voice,

"Oooh, do you think these jeans make my butt look big, Sirius?"

To which, Sirius gave a theatrical nod and smacked his mate on the butt.

Remus gave a throaty growl he managed to turn into a yawn.

"Four…three…two…ONE!" And in a matter of seconds, the party landed at the Leaky Cauldron.

"I think we should split up from here. We can use the buddy system!" Exclaimed Mrs. Potter brightly.

"Fine, but I want to go with Dad. No offense, Mum." James looked beseechingly at his friends. Peter was quickest to the chase.

"I'll go with you too, Mr. Potter!" James's dad gave a shrug and they started off down the street.

"Well, boys, I suppose we'd better… oh dear." She broke off worriedly.

"What is it?" Remus and Sirius asked.

"Well, I've just remembered that there's only one shop in all of Diagon Alley that supplies Muggle clothing, so it's bound to be packed, and I need to do some shopping too, so maybe the two of you would be all right alone for just a _few_ minutes…"

Sirius and Remus spoke at the same time.

"Sure, Mrs. P!"

"Yes ma'am, we'll be absolutely fine!"

"Oh, good, boys, well I'll be right down the road at the milliner's. See you in, how long do you think?"

"An hour,"

"Three!" Sirius cut Remus off.

"My, that's a long time. Call it an even two hours?"

"Yes madam."

"See you then!"

As they watched her amble off, Remus turned to his boyfriend.

"Two hours… to shop?"

Sirius was already rummaging in his bag.

"No, silly, we'll be done long before then. I know a place we can get in and out in twenty minutes tops."

"How do we get there? We're not allowed to use magic!"

"Correction, Remmy, we're not allowed to use our wands."

And with that, he procured from his haversack an odd-looking compass.

A black, cursive B engraved on its case confirmed Remus's suspicions.

"Padfoot, is that d-dark magic?"

"I know how to use it, Remmy, don't worry!" He tousled Remus's sandy hair. "You're so cute when you're nervous."

"I don't want to get us expelled."

"Don't sweat it. Live a little!" And with that, he flipped it open and commanded it, "Abercrombie and Fitch!" And as the alley disintegrated and Remus kept a close hold on his love's hand, all he could think of was, "That's a weird name for a spell."

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"Hi, welcome to Abercrombie and Fitch." The wizards smiled at the cute girl.

"For your convenience we have crewnecks $39.99 and all winter-wear and accessories are 30 off."

Remus looked at Sirius inquisitively, and he brushed off the associate. "Thank you, have a nice day."

"You too, sir, if you need a dressing room, just holler!"

Remus began to rapid-fire questions.

"Are we in a Muggle shop?"

"What's a crewneck?"

"How much money is thirty-nine ninety-nine?"

"Do we even have any muggle money?"

Sirius laughed as he placed one hand firmly on Remus's lips.

The werewolf responded by licking his hand.

"Yes, this is Abercrombie and Fitch. A crewneck is like a jumper. Thirty nine whatever is forty dollars, which is about ten galleons." Remus's mouth fell open. "And yes, I have plenty of Muggle money. I make it myself at home, but don't tell the muggles that. It's illegal in their world, since they don't use gold like reasonable folks."

"Ten galleons for a bloody sweater?!? This is insane!"

"No, this is fashion. Now come you, you hot mess." And with an arm slung over his boyfriend, Sirius marched him to the men's side.

"Hmm… what to wear, what to wear."

"Sirius, I haven't got any Muggle money."

"I don't give a damn. I'll pay."

"I can't let you pay!"

"Why not? It's Muggle tradition." He grinned. "It's called a sugar daddy."

"A what?"

Sirius threw back his dark head and laughed.

"Here, try this on. He flung a pair of khaki slacks and a blue crewneck at Remus. "I'll be out here when you come out."

"Sirius?" A timid voice whispered.

"Yea?"

"Umm… are there any other sizes?"

"Yea, but let me see that one."

"No."

"Why?"

"They're tight!"

"Oh, you… alohomora!"

"Ooh, you broke a rule!" But the admonitions were overcast by Sirius's loud guffaws.

"You… look… bloody hot!"

"No, I don't! I look absolutely crude! These clothes leave nothing to the imagination!"

"I want to rape you right now!"

"Sirius! Don't joke about that!" But now even the werewolf was laughing.

"So we'll get two sets of the slacks, one in khaki, one in dark, and we've got to get you some jeans."

"Are _they_ gonna be tight too?" Remus whined.

"Yes."

"_Why_?"

"Because, Moony, that makes it so much easier for me to undress you with my eyes."

And with that, the werewolf attacked his boyfriend in the dressing room of Abercrombie and Fitch.

"Ack! Gerrof, you big puppy…" Sirius tickled Remus until he gasped for air.

"Okay, I quit. I'll wear whatever you say, Padfoot! But they'll make so much fun of me on our trips!"

"No they won't, because I'm dressing to match. In different colors, of course. Now let's accessorize."

They observed several scarves before Sirius was satisfied.

"Here!"

"B-but… it's fluffy!"

"You don't like fluffy?"

"Not on me."

"I like fluffy!"

"Then you wear it!"

And so he did, and Remus was taken aback by how dashing he looked.

"Damn, we should come here every weekend!"

And Sirius, grinning, led him to pick a winter coat.

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"Well, boys, you sure found some good clothing, didn't you? I don't remember seeing James or Peter with anything like that."

"Well, we did go earlier, before they were racked out." Remus had to hand it to him: his boyfriend was an excellent liar.

"Yea, I guess Sirius is a hot buy." And the two shared a smirk.


End file.
